I went to see a friend's band play at a local club this evening. I'd never even heard his group, but being supportive, and the fact that all I had to do was walk down the street to check it out, I went. It was metal night at the First Street Billiards, so yup I was treated to permanent hearing loss.  Honestly I know this guys talents are lost on that scream-fest of a band, but he must enjoy it so whatever.

But on may walk back from the club I was additionally treated to a plethora of jazz performances, emanating from many clubs and parks.  Its the San Jose Jazz Festival this weekend, and it started today.

http://www.sanjosejazz.org/festival.html

I think I may come back tomorrow to see and hear more.

Jazz fest I can handle, and even enjoy.  Metal night, you can keep it, though you wont keep your hearing.

 A friend of mine taught me a new word, Ennui.

I guess I have times when ennui best fits me, days when you are in a funk and not excited about anything, and you just could care less, and don't even know exactly why you feel that way.  Maybe you have some reason to be blue, but something larger is looming, and its hard to say what it is.  Is it ennui?

At first ennui somehow make me think of an older version of emo.  But somehow emo seems more a facade, just a style or genre of person, between goth and grunge.  Like emo people would be grungy, but they'd be a more metro version, cleaned, brushed, and styled.  And they would be goth, but they have a wider color palate and maybe are a little less dark. (just random thoughts in my head I bothered to type)

Well back to ennui, is that perhaps just outright depression?  I don't know, maybe?

I finished Harry Potter!  And as not to spoil anything, all I have to say is, WELL DONE! 

The series ended very well in my opinion.

Oh goodness, life has lots of stress and imperfections.

I don't deal well with stress, even a little.

I need a vacation badly, but at least I have one coming next month.

I'm going back to Hawaii, the Big Island this time.  Hoping to spend a good amount of time lounging along the sand.

I went on a 5 miles hike the other day with a group of friends, and I have to say it was really really great to get outside and move.  Five or more years ago I seemed to get out and hike more, but for whatever reason, I just have not of late.

I was good to be reminded that though I live in the city, the redwoods are but a 20-30 min drive up the hill.

Here is the view up on the hill at Castle Rock State Park.

all that, and so close, and of course the beach lies just beyond the hills.
Why do I like California, hmm? 

They make us have headline news on TV here at work, and I kid you not, for the past 6 hours that I have been here, the story has been all about Lindsay Lohan.  Of all the news, of the whole globe, this is really important?

Now, here is the flip side. When its hours of news about Iraq, Darfur, AIDS, malaria, TB, murder, kidnap, and rape, well that gets depressing quick.

I wonder if the media gets fixated on frivolous stories, because, well its not very heavy, it sells, and we dont have to feel bad about the world, just laugh at Lindsay, shake our heads, and then forget about it, and move on in life.

Anyhow, the news media seems to suck, they dont share anything of value, just sensationalize trivial crap.

Hmm.

Hopeless Romantic?

I often wonder how many people find and keep love anymore.  I know too many people in divorce, or recently divorced.  And while sure some marriages are just bad, I wonder if people don't try very hard to stay together.

Where is the line between dopey romantic and realist.  

Oh I'm evil, and sorry for it.

I was at church helping hang a sign outside, and while there along the street a woman approached me asking me for money for bus fare.

Now, I get panhandled downtown ALL THE TIME, so I am pretty quick to dismiss them, as a general rule, I just don't hand out money on the street. I give elsewhere, programs and at church.

BUT, I refused to hand out money, and I was on church grounds, and I cannot help but remember the little bit about Jesus saying what ever you don't do for your brother, you don't do for me. Read Matthew 25: 31-46

Did I say no to Jesus while saying no to her, I think I ponder this more because I was at church when this happened. Gosh I put myself on trial every time I get panhandled, but even more so when on church campus.

What do I do? 

I did some coloring at work today, some break time coloring in a mandala.

Its step one to opening a door of creativity.

Hmm, I just thought, as I look for new doors in life to open, are there some that need closing?

Can one really close doors from the past?  or just leave them open, but behind you?  Is there a difference, since this is all metaphoric anyhow?

Basically, what of the past do you really get to leave behind?

OK I'm rambling.

New layout!

Xanga informed my that I was running on an old style platform, and should try out the new "themes" format.

Why sit in the past, I'll move onto the new format.  gonna figure it out, but I have time, I'm one of those LIFETIME Xangans.