Hmm, I guess this should be a chapter in my eventual autobiography. (If that ever happens?)
Let's just presume I am Alice, and I stepped through the looking glass, and indeed found the Mad Hatter.
Working twelve hour shifts sitting in a chair is very conducive to becoming a fat blob, as I have already written; I am obese, well according to Nintendo's Wii Fit. Anyhow, as both stress relief and exercise I like to take a walk during my lunch break. Never mind that its close to midnight; as a man I presume my body is a costume that affords me a certain degree of enhanced safety, and if I am indeed obese, I am big. This means I wont be bothered, I hope.
Downtown San Jose, though not very large, street by street, block by block, changes flavor, and class very quickly. I have made it a habit of traveling, the prettiest and thus safest streets, mainly near nicer restaurants, theaters, and hotels. Passing along here one will mainly encounter, yuppies (if we still call them that), assorted business people, and visitors in town for some random convention. I always walk from my office on Santa Clara Street, down Market street, toward Paseo De San Antonio, toward San Jose State University, and then back, along mainly the same streets.
Today I thought I would be different. Again with the assumption that I am generally safe, I am not adverse to taking a walk through a more gritty neighborhood. Its not like its the ghetto, its just the rattier streets where the college kids live, and a few homeless shelters and halfway houses sit. Yes, the police are frequently passing, and that’s at least a sign of both safety, and threat level orange, preparing for likely mayhem.
Let me step back to the fact that I stepped through the looking glass.
On my walk into San Jose State, out on Tower Lawn, there was some magical looking portal to another dimension. REALLY! Well it looked like it. There is some temporary art display, like a big metallic donut, with a projection that provides the illusion of looking into an inter-dimensional portal. Hmm, I have to show you!
If you could see this in action, you'd know its mesmerizing, well it was to me!
This is when I decide the rest of my route, I'll walk past the Student Union building, then up 10th Street, back to Santa Clara Street. I usually don’t walk past 4th Street, knowing that beyond lies increasingly questionable people and places. But, I'm willing to see what really lies on these streets, lest my prejudices rule my behavior.
Now, I might have been wise to stick with my original route, but if I had, I would have missed out on a great chapter of my eventual book?
Before I can leave the university to cross the street, I hear someone calling my attention. I assume that I am being panhandled, which is pretty common, and as I had left my wallet in my office, I don't really have anything to offer, but I am also free to be honest in admitting I have no money, thus am guilt free.
She did not want money. She rambled quickly that she was having a menopausal moment and 53 years old, and would like me to tell her something about, GOD. This was by far a different approach then I was expecting, but in a quick moment, and not fearing this smaller, older, woman, decided to offer back a cheerful, "GOD LOVES YOU!" This I'm sure would satisfy her need, and I walked on. As I continued to walk, she shrunk back and, well kinda started to cry. I felt a little bad. Yes I could ignore her, as most would, and probably do, but if I maybe added an extra word or two, some little encouragement, and acknowledgment, she would smile and that would be it.
I clearly do not work enough with the crazy, or its just her, but this gleefully caught her attention, and she ran back toward me, and wanted me to tell her all about God!.
Now I am not an evangelical missionary, but I do go to church, and when pressed for my spin on theology, am generally willing to oblige, even if my audience is nutty.
She was now following me, telling me her friend planned on jumping of a bridge today, and she suspected this activity was illegal, never mind likely fatal. I agreed it was probably illegal, and asked, half joking, which bridge. Its probably an insensitive thing to have said, but I was at this point wondering what I was up against, who am I talking to. She did not know what bridge, but then mentioned her grandmother had died at 99. Which leads to the question, "Where do YOU think we go when we die?"
"I'm sure we go to some kind of heaven." I reply, "I mean if God does love you, why should you not"
She of course has to probe further, about the possibility of hell, to which I do not personally subscribe to.
As we cross the street, and reach the next corner, she questions me, "Are you some churchy person, or what?"
I'm not going to lie; I do go to church regularly, and am an active participant. She kinda rebuffed me for this, but I quickly bounced back with, "Well you were the one who asked me to talk about God." She did then agree that she opened the conversation. At this point, I wonder, is this person looking for a local church community? There are plenty of crazy people in the bible, and why should she not have a church family two. I do know of a couple churches downtown.
She appreciated my directions to the local churches, but admitted that unless it was the church I went to, was not something she could take on my recommendation. I guess she can take that point, though to be fair I did tell her where I went to church. Who knows, she may show up one day.
She then tells me she can’t go to church, because she has hepatitis, A, B, C, and AIDS.
I'm not sure if she does or does not, but perhaps, if this is true, she would need extra outreach, from a more open minded congregation. By chance we were a block or two from the local San Jose Metropolitan Community Church, and being a church that focuses mainly on the LGBT community, would likely be well able to give support and direction to someone felling outcast, and with AIDS on top of that.
She looks at me inquisitively, "Are you bi or something?" I guess I was feeling bold, and well I had marched in the gay pride parade only a block away and a couple weeks ago, so why hold back now, "No, I'm not bi, I'm gay" I really don’t know how she would respond, but since she said she had Hep. A,B, C and AIDS, who is she to throw stones at this point.
She was elated! She had a lesbian twin sister! And she began quickly rambling on into words that became less than English.
When her English resumed, she asked again, "so you think anyone can go to heaven? well your kinda churchy, I don’t know?"
I had to then open the door for her, and I asked, "Well, you tell me what YOU think."
Her answer, "I think, that when we die, our energy goes all together, all the happiness we ever had joins up in this big force that goes on forever and it just goes on."
I was actually very taken back, on really a nice answer, and I said "Wow, that’s wonderful, I don't see why that could not be, and maybe that is heaven"
She said I was just being nice and churchy, but I had to say, "No, indeed I honestly liked her thoughts on it."
Then, she stood there, and peed her pants. She reached into her pants, I suppose to confirm this, and then let me know she was indeed peeing her pants. This is kinda a conversation stopper, but I asked where she was going, and she said she was heading down 8th street, but had to walk alone, because her jealous boyfriend might see me, and become angry.
At this point, our parting seemed like a good idea, though I had a random theological discussion with a crazy woman at midnight on a dark street corner, a moment worth noting, but the moment was passing, and I was free to press on, thinking about all that had just transpired, and eager to share my encounter, and write it all out, before I forget.
Was I crazy myself for taking a walk at this hour, on these streets? Or was this some blessed life event, a part of my own spiritual journey. As everything turned out well, I'll take the spiritual journey angle.
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