September 27, 2008

  • I'm desperate for a vacation, fortunately my shift ends in 3.5 hours, and then I will be on vacation.  Two weeks away from work. 

    Its not that work has even been bad of late, I'm just really feeling the need for rest and relaxation, and lots of me time.  I've got some mental house keeping to get done.

    I've been feeling increased anxiety this week, coming from numbers of places.

    But the big thing is tomorrow night, I'm chaperoning the youth from my church at an overnighter with another church.  I wont be the only adult, but I'll basically be with lots of people I don't know, and most of them teens. I'm not really sure what they will be like, I'm fairly confident it will all go off without a hitch.  Just I can get increased anxiety in random social situations, and I think my mind is prepping for exactly that.  And I don't want that.

    Dizzy, sweaty, flushed with the feeling of stares all upon me, I sometimes just have to get up a walk away.  I know its weird, but happens.  At the same time, I think nothing of getting up in front of the crowded bar and singing karaoke, course there its dark, and the drinks are flowing, and I have my friends.

    I've used my cell phone as a crutch on numbers of occasions, pretending to have to take a call, and walk out of a crowded room, to find a place by myself, where I can pace and calm down, and ponder how to go back to the situation.

    I think on some ways its hard to even think about stress, it stresses me out, its illogical, and I know it, but somehow sometimes, cannot just fully reach RELAXED, and I try all the time. Right now, I'm a ball of nerves. I at least know that in one week, I'll be chilling next to the beach at my brothers house in Hawaii.  Ahh, let me find peace out there!